The Critical Key to Healing My Sexual Abuse

Oprah had a show with 200 men who had been sexually abused as children. Some of them were abused 40, 50, even 60 years ago and they were still living with the trauma like it was yesterday. It affected their relationships; they didn’t trust people; many struggled with addictions. I wanted to jump through the TV screen and yell, “Listen up! You have to go back to those little boys and heal them. You can’t heal who you are now without healing your little boys. They have to talk. They have to express their feelings. They have to understand what is happening so they can take their power back!”

This was the critical key to healing my little girls of their sexual abuse. Each age – 3, 4 and 5 – had different things they wanted to talk about; different issues, different things to heal. But all of them were feeling powerless and needed to learn how to take back their power.

My 3-year-old was upset she couldn’t fight this guy off. He was too strong. So she had to learn how to make her body strong so she could fight him off. She wanted to know why he was hurting her and why her parents weren’t helping her. So she learned about pedophiles. Then she had to tell mom, even though he had told her not to tell. She learned why he didn’t want her to tell and was quite pleased with herself when she spilled the beans. My 4-year-old was worried she had done something to make this happen. So she also learned about pedophiles and how to make her body strong to protect herself. My 5-year-old was a trip. When I regressed to her she was standing there with her hand on her hip like she was 40, saying, “I’m so over this guy! Just keep him away from me! I worry all the time about when he’s coming next.” So she devised a glass shield with the switch in her belly button so she could always find it. She learned to pay attention to her danger signals so she could close the shield on him and he’d run into it and break his nose. If he did that enough times he’d give up altogether.

This is just a small portion of the work my therapist and I did with my inner ages. The dialogues with them in Memoirs of My Soul show exactly what it took to help them heal all the emotional programs formed from the experiences of abuse and take back their power.

I had absolutely no conscious recollection of being sexually abused. The signal that led me to it was a throbbing feeling in my right arm like someone had grabbed it too hard. At my next regression appointment we used NMR to find the message. It was my 3-year-old. Uncle Tom was hurting her and she was upset and wanted to talk. Then my 5-year-old wanted to talk and then my 4-year-old. An interesting note – Uncle Tom had grabbed them on the same spot on their right arm that was signaling me today. In fact, my three-year-old said he grabbed her arm so hard she ‘looked to see if it was still there!’

While I was healing my abused inner girls I learned a lot about the spiritual lessons in childhood abuse – or any abuse for that matter. I asked my therapist why any innocent little child would have to suffer sexual abuse. This is what I learned.

Sexual abuse is a powerful spiritual lesson for all involved. Can we find our inner light, our spiritual power in that dark place? Abuse can be mental and not physical. But even if it’s mental, to the child it is the same as physical. It has the same ramifications. And very, very often the abuser is in an altered state.

If sexual abuse is not healed, those memories remain in the subconscious. Say someone was abused when they were three. Now as an adult they find themselves alone with a three-year-old. All those old memories come flooding back. Memory is an altered state and so they slip back into their old memories and do what was done to them. This is why so many abusers deny abusing. They don’t remember doing it in their conscious mind. This is not an excuse; they still did it and if pressed long and hard enough they will remember it.

Healing sexual abuse is about helping the child at the age they were then understand what happened and how it made them feel like a victim, how it made them feel powerless, and how they can get that power back. A child, even a baby has far more power available to it than it realizes, which at the moment bad things are happening is hard to remember. But in regression therapy the older self can help the younger self recognize those things.

In light of our soul journey, we want to lift our vibrations. So if there has been any trauma to the body then the body needs to be healed of the trauma so that we can lift the vibrations. The dialogues in Memoirs of My Soul (chapters 9-13) illustrate exactly how I healed my inner ages of abuse.

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